Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
