Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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