We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
