i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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