Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
