Kiss
Puke
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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