The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
