just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
