respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
