If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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