in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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