We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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