Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
