i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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