her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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