your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
