I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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