there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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