yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
