Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW IāM MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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