I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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