Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
