I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
