i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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