I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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