He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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