Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
