Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
