all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How external is "for external use only"?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
