Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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