I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
