I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
