do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
