No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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