True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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