Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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