I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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