i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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