Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
