just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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