Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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