A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize