mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
