you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
