i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
im on a boat
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