Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
