she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
