I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How external is "for external use only"?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
