That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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