my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
