Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
