Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
