you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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