So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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