I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I love having hate sex.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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