i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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