is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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