i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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