Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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