Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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