I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
