May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
