but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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