Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
