I accidentally burped into my bong.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
