She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
