Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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