The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
bring money and cleavage
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
