i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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