nut hugger
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You made out with two different species that night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
