yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
