Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
