well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
