8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have feelings that need drinking.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
